Today I electrocuted a 10 year old girl and left her with a Harry Potter scar: more proof for God’s existence

(God's Blog) I woke up with the sniffles so I spent the morning causing thunder and lightning storms (thunder is the sound I make when I sneeze). Anyway, if you read my blog you know I've been pretty busy lately, killing Osama bin Laden, killing people with tornadoes and earthquakes, and stuff like that - so I haven't had much time recently for creative expression. And what I really enjoy is planting subtle little clues about ...

God offers stern warning against cute religious Halloween costumes for kids

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GOD'S BLOG. Contrary to popular belief - I like Halloween. No, you won't go to Hell for dressing up as something else, having a party or going around asking for candy. Now if your Halloween routine includes acts of vandalism, TeePeeing, etc, then you may be put on my 'bad' list for awhile. But in general, Halloween is fine. After all - it's got nothing to do with me. It's not at all like Christmas or ...

What does God think of the iPhone? Read God’s iPhone review before you buy.

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(GOD'S BLOG). Ok everybody, listen up. I know you want an iphone. Heck - I even want an iphone. What's not to like? They're fantastic little gizmos; they're fun to play with, pretty to look at, and can do just about ANYTHING. Nevertheless, I've decided to put a ban on them. While I won't say "buy an iphone and go straight to hell" I will say that having 'iphone user' on your application for permanent residency ...

Euthanasia for pets – is it right to put your pet to sleep?

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GOD'S BLOG. I have one particular favorite kitty. She's a mean, black street cat - full of energy, zesty and fun. She's about 3 years old, has a hernia and is dying. Although I can afford the surgery, I've decided to let nature take it's course. Partly because I feel paying so much to 'defeat nature' is hypocritical, especially for me. Partly because I like to hoard my wealth, so I can use it on better ...

Doesn’t God Deserve a Christmas gift?

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-God's Blog- Today I woke up and had a brilliant mocha and pastry. It was so delicious. Then I spent the afternoon in my recliner. I stormed up a misty, wet sky. I caused the leaves to reflect the muted light of the sun and the bright orange leaves to stand out vibrantly against the gray sky. I made the temperature drop so that lovers could see each others' breath in the air and huddle close ...

To Write Love on Her Arms, A Rebuttal

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(God's blog) If you've read the recent post on this blog in Satan's Journal about To Write Love on Her Arms, I hope you'll have a chance to see this post as well. You see, basically, Satan is a selfish asshole. That shouldn't shock anybody. The 'To Write Love on Her Arms" website clearly says that the original meaning of the movement was not to be trendy or fashionable. They can't be held responsible for the ...

Christian Contemporary Art

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(God's Blog) I just read Satan's Journal about Jesus and contemporary art - what a load of bull! It's obvious he just woke up on the wrong side of the bed; his grumpiness pervades the whole account. The truth is, Christianity practically invented art! 80% of all the paintings ever finished are Christian paintings (OK - half of those are landscapes or still lives of fruit, but they were painted by Christians who saw My Hand in ...

What’s the meaning of life?

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(God's blog) I (inhabiting the body of the data processor I sometimes borrow to post this blog) went out tonight for sushi with a depressed friend. She's been single for awhile, and was complaining about being a little chubby; she's a cute and naive girl, suffering the loneliness and melancholy that affects all humans at various periods in their lives. And so - I thought I'd post this blog on the meaning of life. What are we here? ...

Which religion is right?

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(God's Blog) Since I started blogging, I've gotten a lot of email demanding answers to life's greatest questions. Now normally, all that stuff gets filtered to junk mail. I mean - who do these people think they are? Did they create the mountains? Did they set the sun in its course through the heavens? I don't think so. Like I told Job, humans simply cannot hope to comprehend the mind of God... However, I've got some free ...

I don’t like Parmesan Cheese

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(God's Blog) There's a little Italian restaurant I like to drop in on that makes a fantastic salmon pasta; its one of my favorites. I went there today for lunch - I probably go about once a week, so they kind of know me. But every time I saw "I don't want Parmesan Cheese" because it's too rich for me, and every time, I mean EVERY TIME, they bring me a steaming plate with Parmesan cheese ...