The New 10 Commandments: Satan’s Tips on How to Be a Good Person (Or “God, the Internet Marketer”)

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(Satan's Journal) First of all, who am I and why should you listen to me? I'm the Devil, Lucifer, the Prince of Darkness, etc. Don't let that scare you - almost nothing you know about me is true. You see, unlike God, I care about what happens to you, to humanity as a race, and to the planet earth. God on the other hand is like an internet marketer who launched a program 10 years ago ...

Satan’s New Year Resolutions: The Devil’s Tips on How to Make and Keep a New Year’s Resolution

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Satan's Journal. If you're anything like most people, you ate too much during the holidays and now you're feeling determined to lose weight for your New Year's Resolution; or else you promise yourself you'll be a better person this year and make some vague, half assed resolution about "spending more time with family" or "being more helpful" or "being more generous" or "living life to the fullest." Fuck you. If you thought that I, Satan, ...

9 Evil and Scary Halloween Costumes 2010 – Satan’s Picks

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SATAN'S JOURNAL. I love Halloween! It's crazy, in the whole, 'good/evil' dichotomy of Christianity, I'm usually painted as the bad guy, and people generally try to avoid me. (Well, actually they try to avoid having any kind of fun, excitement or pleasure in their lives because they think God doesn't like that kind of stuff). Anyway, Halloween is literally a get out of jail card for me. Not only do I get to run around ...

Everyone Draw Muhammad – Satan’s Commentary

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(SATAN'S JOURNAL) Dude, where have I been? I only now somehow stumbled upon this whole 'everybody draw Muhammad thing.' I mean, of course I'm aware of the situation. Newspapers drawing the prophet, then fundamentalists demanding an apology; Southpark's spoofs (is this ok? Putting him inside a van, etc.) But I just found the blog "Everyone Draw Mohammed" and the Facebook pages, both for and against the movement. I wish I'd thought of it first - although that ...

Is the iPhone Satanic? Read Satan’s Review of the iPhone.

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(Satan's Journal). ROFL. You guys sure missed the boat on this one - usually the crackhead religious nuts are the first ones to point the finger at technological advancements and claim that I inspired them. But I checked, and there are virtually no articles about the iPhone being Satanic, which is amazing if you think about it. They always say crap like "Satan's greatest trick was convincing you he doesn't exist" - then comes along a ...

Greeks are stupid: ethical responsibility of the Greek riot, bailout and economy

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(Satan's Journal) You may think its strange for me, Satan, to be writing about 'ethical responsibility.' You probably think ethics and responsibility are good, holy, sanctified, godly things, and that simple pleasures, frolicking sexual activity and self-pleasing activity is more my thing. You've got it all wrong. Yes, I believe you can and should do whatever you feel like, that there shouldn't be 'punishment' for actions nor things that you 'should' or 'shouldn't' do. But that ...

Jesus is Sexy: Jesus’ REAL face from Turin Shroud

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SATAN'S JOURNAL Yahoo News reported today that a 'scientist' had discovered what Jesus really looked like, based on a reconstruction from the Turin Shroud, which is claimed to have been Jesus' burial shroud: http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/?cl=18909377 Give me a freaking break. First of all - believing that the Turin Shroud has anything to do with Jesus takes more faith than believing that Jesus is a Son of God, or that he walked on water. But once you wander into the ...

Paganism in Christmas history: Symbols and rituals

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-Satan's Journal- Hi - Satan here. It's been a while. I was kind of busy with little trivial stuff, work etc. Christmas came and went. I'll bet a lot of you think I hate Christmas. Jesus Christ is born, he will later conquer me and restore righteousness, blah blah blah. No, Christmas to me is just another day - although the way you people celebrate confuses the hell out of me. First off - God and I ...

To Write Love On Her Arms = Waste Of Ink

(Satan's Journal). I know I'm going to get lampooned for being cynical of such a harmless, friendly movement like the "To write love on her arms day", but something about this movement makes me cringe. So I'm going to allow myself to be expressed. To be clear - I am not specifically critical of the original movement or its agenda. Although I disagree with some of its basic ideology, it was started for good purposes and ...

Jesus and contemporary art

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(Satan's Journal) Today I stopped in at a contemporary surrealist artist's exhibition. (See his works at www.derekmurphyart.com). His work is all about 'breaking established paradigms' and 'creating space by stopping ideological patterns' or some rubbish like that. Mostly, his work just makes me chuckle and I like to watch those with more sensitive disposition look uncomfortable and squemish and self-conscious; unsure how they feel about the art because they're already worried about what their reactions 'should ...

Lose Weight and Save Your Soul: The Christian Diet

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(Satan's Journal) I decided to take advantage of this special deal (save your soul for $19.95) to try out an experiment. For the next week, I'm going to eat only Holy Communion, 24/7. I've been meaning to do this for awhile - the reason I haven't is that communion needs to be sanctified by a priest, and what priest is going to let Satan come in and partake of the Eucharist. Luckily, you can order this stuff ...

Religion and America’s Founding Fathers

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(Satan's Journal) There's a funny argument going on about the right to teach 'a biblical worldview' in Texas schools in conjunction with American history: http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/metropolitan/6640410.html. “You can't properly tell American history unless you teach the biblical motivations of the people who discovered the country, like Christopher Columbus; the people that settled it, like the Pilgrims and Puritans; the people who formed government, like the Founding Fathers,” said Marshall, a Presbyterian minister and president of the Massachusetts-based Peter Marshall Ministries. “My point in ...