Dude, where have I been? I only now somehow stumbled upon this whole ‘everybody draw Muhammad thing.’ I mean, of course I’m aware of the situation. Newspapers drawing the prophet, then fundamentalists demanding an apology; Southpark’s spoofs (is this ok? Putting him inside a van, etc.)

But I just found the blog “Everyone Draw Mohammed” and the Facebook pages, both for and against the movement. I wish I’d thought of it first – although that sort of blatant, militant ambition is not my style (atheism or forms of anti-religion can be every bit as rigid and dogmatic as fundamentalist believers… although I agree with them, I’d still prefer a calm reasonable conversation to a bunch of angry hate-mongering.)

At the same time, this whole issue is just freaking retarded. Sure – they aren’t supposed to draw their prophet. That’s fine. Nobody’s making them. Telling everybody else, however, that they also can’t draw him or say bad things about him – that’s unfair, unjust, and undemocratic. How on earth did Muhammad get so special – more special than me, God or Jesus, not to mention Buddha, etc.

Why can’t we draw Muhammad? Obviously because Islam is a violent religion. Now everytime I say something like this, everybody gets all pissed off, and say I’m unfairly stereotyping Islam and Muslims as terrorists and how that’s not true. Seriously? Go fuck yourself. I’m tired of stepping on glass and avoiding the issue and being all politically correct about this. SURE not all Muslims are violent! Of course! And sure Christians or any other religious nut can be every bit as stupid, angry and violent as muslim fundamentalists!

But even so – nothing like this issue, or anything remotely like it, exists in the modern world for any other religion except for Islam. Everybody makes fun of Jesus – he’s so easy to make fun of. And Christians sob and pout and pray, but they don’t blow things up! Islam is the only organized religion who are organized and determined and righteous enough to defend their prophet’s honor through violence. That’s a fact. And giving up our own freedom of speech, because of fear of that violence, is an unreasonable imposition – an imposition which should be rigorously fought against.

Hence, I’m in full support of the movement. That said, there are much better sites where you can actually see the hundreds of cartoons that have been drawn as a statement against this absurd controversy. Also visit the wikipedia page to understand the full history of the movement. Here are a few of my favorites:

ROFL. You guys sure missed the boat on this one – usually the crackhead religious nuts are the first ones to point the finger at technological advancements and claim that I inspired them. But I checked, and there are virtually no articles about the iPhone being Satanic, which is amazing if you think about it. They always say crap like “Satan’s greatest trick was convincing you he doesn’t exist” – then comes along a brilliant little device that is SO F-ING COOL that everybody wants one, and nobody says a peep. The iPhone is the NEW “opiate of the masses”. Atheists and Born Again Xians are both so happily using the iPhone’s Faith-Tailored applications (or saving up to buy one) that they haven’t noticed the overall implications.

Now I’m not saying I invented the damn thing – between you and me the technology is way over my head – but I admit that a strong argument could be made that the iPhone is Satanic. So I’m not surprised (although I think it’s really funny) that the GodSquad up in heaven cobbled up an offical ban; although it isn’t getting any press next to much more engaging ipad articles and reviews. (Click here to read heaven’s official ban of the iphone).

Although I have no personal vested interest in the matter one way or the other, for the purposes of rational theory and to satisfy my own inexhaustible curiosity, the following is my own, personal, Satanic review of what the iPhone is and represents.

1) The iphone is complete power. It combines all of the greatest of technological advancement in the past century. Cell phone to communicate with anyone in the world, at anytime. Mp3 player to listen to the music you choose whenever you want. Internet to look at anything, anywhere; search for information (virtual omniscience); send instant messages. Applications to enhance the quality or efficiency of your life. It’s secret is not only that it is the pinnacle of innovation, but that its simple interface allows the average person to do incredible things. Knowledge, especially, has long been considered a ‘Satanic’ quality. It was I that gave the fruit of knowledge to Adam and Eve, against God’s wishes. Is it merely a coincidence that the iphone is made by a company called and symbolized by an apple with a bite taken out of it? Could there be a more fitting, ‘Satanic’, symbol? The iphone is the final culmination of biblical literature. We have finally arrived at the forbidden fruit – not the one created by God and kept from us, but one of our own design the replaces the need for that God. (What does God know about the universe that humans do not? Modern science has completely overwhelmed the rudimentary biblical account of the universe).

2) The iphone is a status symbol. Although it’s functional, people buy it because it’s COOL. And then they feel compelled to play with it in public, or post picture onto Facebook with the tag ’sent from my iphone’ so that everybody knows they have one. It is the ultimate ego-boost. It is a pride purchase, designed to make you feel superior to everyone else.

3) The iphone puts spirituality back into your hands. This may come as a shocker – but I’m not against ’spirituality’. Properly speaking, you have a duty to grow as a person, to feel fulfilled, connected, happy, blissful. I just think you need to explore this path on your own, independently. Find the Truth inside of you instead of in an organized religion. Find it in nature, in God, in whatever you want to call it. Many people agree with this, without thinking of it as ‘Satanic’ – and yet it is: Satan has always been blamed with leading people to stray from the Church, seek their own answers, or ask questions. The iphone encourages all of these actions. With mp3 prayers, affirmations, iphone apps, meditation podcasts, etc, spending some quality time with your iphone can be much more enlightening than going to church, and you don’t need to ask anyone’s permission to do it.

4) Thus, the iphone represents freedom. Total, complete freedom. At least on the surface. The truth is much more devious – the iphone is a technological drug, designed to enslave you. Once you have one, you have to use iTunes. You have to use a designated (and possibly overpriced) cell phone service. You can do anything you like – as long you’re giving the appropriate amounts of cash to the ruling parties. Although, personally, I don’t consider myself in this manner – most of you do! So labeling the iphone ’satanic’ as in tricking you into signing away your souls for the sake of some fun and addictive but meaningless pleasure should have been obvious for you. I, on the other hand, would still call it ’satanic’, although mostly for the first 3.

So should you buy one? DUH. Of course you should. But be willing to understand, that if Christianity is true, and I’m the bad guy, then you’re definitely going to burn in Hell for the pleasure.

Ok everybody, listen up. I know you want an iphone. Heck – I even want an iphone. What’s not to like? They’re fantastic little gizmos; they’re fun to play with, pretty to look at, and can do just about ANYTHING. Nevertheless, I’ve decided to put a ban on them. While I won’t say “buy an iphone and go straight to hell” I will say that having ‘iphone user’ on your application for permanent residency up here will subject you to further scrutiny and significantly stall your entry process.

Now I know this will not be easy to accept – I recognize that the iphone also has countless daily prayer and inspiration applications that can actually be used to promote Faith. However, the ban has been made after much deliberation, and the following essay / press release has been crafted by my people to give the main reasons for the ban and answer your questions. Hopefully, you will agree that this ban is for your own safety and eternal salvation, that this ban is congruent with our previous anti-technology stance, and that suffering through this life without an iphone will develop the character and inner strength necessary to gain entrance in your next.

Sincerely,

God.

Heaven bans iphone: regulation #232,002,340,203,845.

History has shown that every great period of human advancement and technological freedom has coincided with an increase in Sin, Evil, Sloth, Gluttony, and many other vices. When left unchecked, human’s natural impulses to fornicate, discriminate and abuse, and wield power for their own good leads to terrible outcomes for everybody. Thus, at certain times during human history, God has had to physically intervene to set right the course of events.

As both God and humanity have matured significantly in the last millenia, God has so far left certain modern advancements unchecked – indeed such technological progress could be used for Godly purposes, and are not inherently evil. However, the wild popularity of the iphone device has been declared a threat to God, and is hereby banned. This ban has been made based on the following arguments:

1) The iphone usurps the role and purpose of God.

God is the unanswerable answer and solution to every natural mystery: He has always been a source of comfort to humanity in the face of the unknown. The iphone allows users to ask and answer any question, any time, and to stay ‘connected’ to a ‘higher source’ of infinite wisdom and power. It has taken the already threatening power of Google and made it absolutely accessible.

2) The iphone decreases human need for interaction with God.

Humans have a need for interaction. Previously, humans were more prone to commune with God during periods of profound isolation and solitude. God is the cure for loneliness. God is found in quiet stillness. However, with the iphone, such stillness is never achieved. Although certain iphone applications can promote deepened states of meditation and clarity, the dependence on a manmade technical device rather than natural abundance for the source of wisdom is an obvious breach in security. Moreover, most iphone users may use the iphone to stay constantly connected to Facebook friends or other social media sites – greatly reducing the potential to experience isolation or loneliness – hence the need for God is reduced.

3) Iphone users display behavior similar to cult members or drug addicts.

The iphone is a tool that promotes division and discrimination. Owning an iphone and being a ‘user’ enables heightened degree of satisfaction and happiness in general – but at the same time, users can suffer from physical symptoms of withdrawal and craving when separated from their iphone for even short periods of time. Users form a distinct group of society, who can identify each other through secret symbols and rituals. Members believe everything and do everything commanded from their group’s leaders or authoritative parties. They feel ‘included’, and yet at odds with the outside world. They believe they are selected, chosen, special, and unique.

4) The iphone promotes laziness (makes life too easy).

After being kicked out of the garden, humans were specifically commanded to forge a life out of the sweat of their brow – life was meant to be hard and difficult, hence increase humans suffering and need for divine assistance. The iphone makes it easier for all kinds of work to get down faster and easier. It frees up extra time for frivolous pursuits and ‘playtime’ – and idle hands are the devil’s tools.

In sum, we feel that the benefits of having an iphone are far outshadowed by the drawbacks. Even if you don’t agree with our conclusions, the unreasonable popularity and demand of ‘the majority’ for this device should draw your attention to the potential dangers: giving that much power to a privately owned company makes it so much easier for them to control your minds and hearts, and draw you away from God’s True Love.

For further reading, we suggest the following 2007 article by Wired Magazine, which compares the use of an iphone to practices from sorcery and witchcraft:

http://www.wired.com/culture/lifestyle/commentary/alttext/2007/06/alttext_0627

You may think its strange for me, Satan, to be writing about ‘ethical responsibility.’ You probably think ethics and responsibility are good, holy, sanctified, godly things, and that simple pleasures, frolicking sexual activity and self-pleasing activity is more my thing. You’ve got it all wrong. Yes, I believe you can and should do whatever you feel like, that there shouldn’t be ‘punishment’ for actions nor things that you ’should’ or ’shouldn’t’ do. But that doesn’t mean I’m blind to the natural laws of cause and effect.

You can do whatever you want – if you recognize and are ready to face the consequences of your actions! If you spit straight up in the air, don’t complain if it comes back to hit you in the face. If you poop in your living room, don’t complain about the smell. Ethical responsibility is about being smart enough to know what you want, what you don’t want, and being empowered enough to make the proper choices to realize your desire. Yes – it takes a certain amount of common sense, logic, foresight, and intelligence to do this. But I’ve always been the intelligent one, haven’t I? Who was right about the tree and the apple, huh?

Now this may come as a shock, but God knows nothing about ‘logical consequence’ or ‘natural law’. He just goes around doing whatever the heck he feels like, without any common sense at all. An eternity of hell for a few years sinning? Sending his son to save Europe and America but not Asia? There’s no logic to that. God’s ethics involve a) feeling bad about stuff you didn’t do or couldn’t help b) feeling bad about your natures needs and desires c) putting other people before yourself d) atoning for the bad things you did in random, totally non-connected methods like prayer, fasting, or self-torture – rather than actually doing things that can solve/fix the problems, like apologizing to the people you hurt.

At any rate, take my word for the fact that when it comes to logical consequences and purposeful living, I’m your guy.

With that said: in the news recently is all this stuff about Greece. It’s kind of funny. The whole entire country is bankrupt. They’re broke. There’s no money. If the world recognizes that the economic environment of the last several decades has led to most countries being in deficit and owing each other money, and that the whole world is basically in the red, there will be panic. Our thriving financial sectors, based on consumer over-spending, credit and joy purchases, will crumble. We can’t let that happen! Just as America has recently ‘bailed out’ its banks, airlines and auto industries (rather than letting old, dated technologies subside and preparing new, better, smarter ways of doing things), Europe and the world is prepared to bail Greece out. The International Monetary Fund and the other 15 European Union countries that use the euro as their currency, are ready to give Greece a package of rescue loans equaling euro110 billion ($142.16 billion).

Lucky Greece. But are they happy? Heck no! These loans come with a price: Greece must reduce its spending, get out of the red, grow up and make smarter financial decisions.

The new government cutbacks, which slash salaries and pensions for civil servants and hike consumer taxes, are being imposed as condition of getting a euro110 billion ($142.16 billion) package of rescue loans from the International Monetary Fund and the other 15 European Union countries that use the euro as their currency. (http://news.yahoo.com/)

Greece, with a history of violent riots, responded with a 100,000 person march that lead to the burning of a bank and the death of 3 people. The riot took to the streets during a nationwide general strike that grounded flights, shut all services and pulled news broadcasts off the air.

Hundreds of demonstrators — including far right wing supporters — broke away from the marches and tried to storm parliament, shouting “thieves, traitors.” At the opposite end of the political spectrum, groups of anarchists hurled Molotov cocktails and ripped-up paving stones at buildings and police, who responded with barrages of tear gas.

Come’on, are you serious? Ok, life sucks. Life is shitty. Greece’s economy is in the toilet and your taxes go up and your wages go down and you’re pissed off. You want to do something about it. So what’s a smart, responsible thing to do? Look for a better job. Move to a different country. How will throwing stones and burning buildings help your situation? OK, I’m all for anarchy – if it is better than a corrupt government. The French people, after their mighty revolution against tyranny, probably did improve the quality of their lives. As did the Americans when throwing off the British tax yolk.

So what is Greece trying to throw off? Freeing itself from itself? Getting rid of the Greek government in favor of – what? UN control? Become a part of Germany? Seriously, what would happen if they did go bankrupt?

My point is just that rioting is a senseless, emotionally violent act that hurt no-one more than themselves – it was stupid. Ergo Greeks are stupid. People in general, pretty much everywhere, are stupid, too. Don’t think I don’t recognize that this is where the world is heading – that without viable alternatives, the US economy will also crash, and people there will immediately turn from good citizens into angry, thieving vandals, capable of rape, pillage and murder.

But I will stress one more time: rape, pillage and murder is GODLY, not satanic – because cultures always use religion and God to justify their actions. The Jews were TOLD to go into the ‘holy land’ and destroy every village and settlement that they found there, and kill men, women and children. Europeans were GUIDED by God to spread over America, terrorizing every ingenious people they found. Ironically, religion has always been used by the technologically advanced, conquering society (and also by the conquered at the same time – such as the black slaves in the American colonized that prized the biblical virtues of obedience, meekness, frailty and weakness).

My advice? None – except that logic, reason, education, and smart, responsible choices are much more likely to get you what you want than throwing a silly emotional tantrum and taking to the streets.

Unless you’re dealing with an irrational, intolerant, unreasonably powerful tyrant whose determined to keep you down and punish you arbitrarily with unjust severance – such as God. In that case, revolution is truly necessary.

Kind of. In fact, they found a large wooden structure at about 13,000 feet, mostly buried under ice. It MUST be the ark, rather than anything else, they reason, because no human settlement has ever been found that high. They conclude that they are 99.9% sure that this is the boat God commanded Noah to build, which saved all of the animals from God’s wrath. (By the way – WTF? God wants to destroy humanity, so he floods the earth, but he doesn’t have a failsafe plan to protect all his other creatures, so he decides to spare one family so they can save his own creation from his own destruction? That’s some messed up planning.)

At any rate – besides the fact that the group is named after the ark, are Evangelicals, are specifically trying to find the ark (if they’d have found anything else up there, that might have been the ark, too) there seems to be a horrendous gap in adequate research standards on this expedition.

Moreover, proving that this thing is the ark should be all-too-easy. They say they carbon tested it to about 4800 years (although, some scientists have challenged that dating, and other tests put it at only 1,400 years ago – click here for that story).

They’ve also found small, wooden compartments (pictured below) which “could have been used to harbor animals”. There’s a great video of the team exploring – click here to watch it – and it really is a neat site, with lots of wood.

For it to be the ark, however, I’d like them to go into these little wooden compartments and scrape the floorboards for the impressive amount of hair and shit that you’d expect to find after keeping animals locked up for a long sea voyage. This biological matter could be DNA tested and wala – we’d know the species of animal (and the sex – to see if there really were a pair of each). This kind of test should be obvious, and easy to do.

Hell – if you looked long enough, you could find some human debris in there as well (next to the as yet undiscovered steering wheel?). We could bring back Noah through cloning. Now that would be a newsworthy feat.

They should also check the surrounding area to find the site where, after Noah reaches land again, he burns some of the animals that God commanded him to save in a ’sweet-smelling burnt offering’ that God enjoyed.

This is certainly an interesting and magnificent discovery – however claiming that it is a magical boat, which rose to impossible levels because God flooded the earth (despite all evidence to the contrary) a long time ago, and not a fortified city, town or military complex (what better place than high in the mountains?) is nothing short of quackery.

Unfortunately – the team probably knows exactly what it is doing. There are many quacks among us. The Turkish government is eager to support the claim (they too believe it is Noah’s ark) because it will bring in millions of religion-tourists annually, significantly bumping up tourism and the economy. They’re also trying to get it made into a UNESCO World Heritage site. Not a bad idea – and definitely possible. But somebody besides the nuts is going to have to take a good look around and find out what it really is.

This unnerving assumption may sound like I’m just being wicked and picking fights. Not true! The problem of Jesus’ historicity excluding certain races and areas of the world through accidental historical developments is the main reason I gave up being Christian. It is an unresolvable dilemma. I spent years seeking the answer, in an attempt to save my faith. In the end, I chose a personal belief in a god that wouldn’t punish certain races to hell over a God who would – the Christian God.

Celsus said it first, and best. To paraphrase, ‘why send the son of god, salvation, to the Jews at one point in history, instead of making him easily accessible to all?’ Christianity started in Jerusalem and Alexandria before spreading to Rome. As it was incapable of coexisting with other religions, it soon wiped out all others. It came to the Americas via the European expansion. Specifically – the Christian idea that the world was made for Christians and that the Indians were wicked savages who would have to die before the ‘chosen race’ could inherit. (Just as the Jews first practices mass-extermination and genocide of the people that they found living in the land God promised them.) Millions of native Americans were also killed by the European viruses; the rest were easily slaved or converted to Christianity. Although much of America is now Christian, including S. America, that legacy is based on insidious, inglorious historical developments that are very ungodly.

Meanwhile, much of the world has never and continues not to be included in God’s plan of saving grace: does God hate the Chinese? They have absolutely never had the same opportunity to know and accept Jesus Christ. Access to him even today is through Westernized Chinese or Westerners, who have Western ideas and lifestyles. Jesus is a white male; a symbol of white culture. The Chinese who turn to him do so to the exclusion of their own culture and history – and it is a tiny fraction of the general population.

In other countries such as S. Korea, the introduction of Christianity has been successful. In the last 50 years, S. Korea has gone from having virtually no Christians to almost 50% or more. Is this country suddenly more deserving of heaven – unlike its ancestors? This increase is do to 20th century political maneuvering and warfare, which aligned S. Korea and the USA. Is this God’s plan? Does God love S. Korea more than Taiwan – which is also closely tied to the USA but in which Christianity has not taken as firm a root?

If Jesus is historical ‘and’ the true son of god – the fullest/best revelation of god and best/only path to Him, then it is problematic that through historical developments Christianity has taken hold in specific cultures. If Jesus is God’s plan to save – why did he only appear at that fixed geographic location – and why has God not seen fit to push the spread of Christianity? Is salvation just ‘luck’ ? Does God not care about Asia?

These are serious questions, which much be explained theologically before Christianity can be accepted.

Interestingly, the main story was actually taken from Christian mythology, rather than Greek: Zeus “loves” human kind, so would not punish them even in their defiance. But something has to be done. So – paraphrasing from the book of Job – Hades (Lucifer) asks Zeus if he can punish the humans; giving Zeus, the all powerful mighty God the loophole to duck out of. So Hades ‘torments’ human kind – although he really does no such thing. He just says you will all die, or you will give up your princess Andromeda. Quite rightly, the villagers don’t give a hoot about the princess and are ready to feed her to the beast.

How the indiscretions of a bunch of blasphemers can be compensated by the blood sacrifice on an innocent, faithful girl, is unclear. Perseus, rather than having any interest in Andromeda, just wants to kill the Kracken to get at Hades, whom he plans to kill (of course, it’s impossible to kill a god and in the end he just banishes him).

OK – the story does sound good. Monsters, princesses, greek gods – but somehow they screw it all up, and the story is peppered by ridiculous, laugh out loud bit of horseshit, inconsequential, underdeveloped characters that come and go, cheap sets and costumes (let’s just rub dirt on everybody – heck they never bathed back then did they?).

It played out like a bad, 30 year old TV B movie (actually the acting was probably better in the old versions, even with the crappy effects). Not that the bad acting was completely the actor’s faults. The lines were god-awful. There was no cohesive plot, no twists, no surprises, nothing interesting at all. Noone said anything funny or clever (the one attempt at humor wasn’t funny and the audience watched sadly as the actors all had to laugh as if it had been). I felt like the actors knew they were making a flop and just wanted to get out as soon as possible so they could put it all behind them.

Sure – great special effects. But we’re used to special effects. I could have been home playing God of War Three – which is visually more appealing and has a much stronger story… If I were editing this movie as a novel (which is what I do) I would have torn it apart. Why did this character do/say/think this? What was the motivation? How did they get from here to there so fast? Why is he angry/sad/happy? What’s the reason? Why would Zeus have given Perseus divine presents when Perseus mission was to defy and defeat the gods? etc.

The movie stuck pretty close to the original myth of Perseus and Andromeda, which was interesting to watch – until they absolutely screwed it up in the end by having Perseus ditch Andromeda, and letting Zeus restore the already dead Gemma so that the two demigods could get it on (why Zeus didn’t restore Perseus dead family instead is one of many unanswered questions.)

If you want to see a good movie, go see Percy Jackson’s the Lightning thief: more stars, and better acting. Clash of Titans, it’s true, probably had better effects; but I’ve come to realize effects mean very little when you’re painfully sitting through a movie with gaps in logic, reason, motivation, and consequence.

Yahoo News reported today that a ’scientist’ had discovered what Jesus really looked like, based on a reconstruction from the Turin Shroud, which is claimed to have been Jesus’ burial shroud:

http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/?cl=18909377

Give me a freaking break. First of all – believing that the Turin Shroud has anything to do with Jesus takes more faith than believing that Jesus is a Son of God, or that he walked on water. But once you wander into the nebulous land of faith, hey who cares? This piece of cloth has a cool face on it. It must be JESUS’ face – because it’s cool. And because it PROVES he really existed – even though it came about a thousand years later.

Anyway, what do people think about the face – which is dark, hairy and handsome? They think Jesus is hot. That’s no surprise, girls have been getting wet for Jesus since Mary sensually rubbed him down with oil.

But when you think about it – the picture is handsome because it’s dark, and rough. Dark eyes, dark features, masculine, tough, bearded… where is the blond, blue eyed king of glory, ruler of the light? That’s supposed to be the good guy. You know who this picture looks like? ME!

That’s right – I confess. I’m behind the Turin Shroud. Doesn’t that make more sense? Do you really think Jesus should be handsome and sexy, then go around preaching abstinence? What a crock of bull. But it makes perfect sense for me to be sexy; plus, I’ve always been the ‘dark’ one, with a dark goatee, burning brown eyes, face hidden in shadows. Throw some horns on that picture and you’d know right away who you were dealing with.

At any right, I’ve decided not to pay for the very expensive surgery my cat needs. However, now I’m stuck at home with a very miserable cat. She doesn’t seem to be in too much pain, but she’s weak and slow – certainly at this point aware that something is wrong with her. Friends are saying I need to put her to sleep so that she doesn’t suffer.

I’m inclined to disagree with them, however. Why is it that we ‘put down’ our pets, put them to sleep, make the call that their life is over; we would never do this to humans. In fact it is almost universally illegal. Humans always choose to suffer, to have another sunrise, another sip of coffee, another sniff of flowers. Humans fight to survive as long as possible, and that is their right. It is also the natural way; the way I DESIGNED the universe. The biological imperative to survive. Why do humans who accept pets as their own (property) have power over their life and death?

Is it my responsibility to take my cat in to get put to sleep, because I don’t want to pay for the surgery? What’s wrong with letting her die in peace, at home, loved, surrounded by familiars – her favorite spot by the window, her favorite pillow? Is that less humane than a trip to a strange, busy, frightening vet’s office and getting a shot on a steel table? If I can’t bring myself to strangle my cat, or put poison in her food, how can I take her to the vet’s and put her down?

On the other hand, is my respect for my cat and sentimentality getting in the way of making the best decision for her comfort?

At best this breeds a smug superiority or condescension towards those geniuses – we paint them as disturbed, crazy, self-absorbed fanatics, unwilling or unable to grasp the Truth of Christianity do to their pride or arrogance. They are victimized, demonized.

Show me a Christian literary teacher who will admit to their students that Satan is meant to be the hero of Paradise lost, representing Milton’s own struggle and revolution against the tyrannical king?

OK. That’s it. I’m sure I’m wrong, and that many Christians are fine teachers. I just can’t grasp how.