What really happened between Cain and Abel? A surprising discovery from the book of Enoch

You probably know Cain as the bad guy who (for no good reason) killed his nice and kind brother Abel in Genesis, in the world's first murder. Some of the unexplained problems of this account (such as why God accepted Abel's sacrifice but not Cain's, which is what pissed Cain off in the first place) are answered in the apocryphal book of Enoch. Interestingly, the Book of Enoch also suggest another motive as well: Adam was planning ...

Ethics of the Old Testament: Lies, Cheats and Dirty Tricks in Genesis

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Isaac and Jacob are a real couple of bungling wanderers. They lie, cheat, steal and seem completely without moral character. Isaac is the son of Abraham that was offered up to God in sacrifice - an episode that likely freaked him out and led to perpetual trust issues. He married Rebekah and settled in Gerar, telling everyone that Rebekah was his sister because he was afraid that the other men might get jealous of her ...

Abraham the Pimp Sells Wife for Cattle and Sacrifices Son: Stories from Genesis

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Abraham is recognized as the father of three of the world's largest religions. He is also a contemptible ass-kisser and a loathsome coward. He is a terrible husband and a horrible father. But - like Noah, he did whatever God commanded of him, no questions asked. In my view, following God's commands does not make you a good person. Those in the Bible who were eager to follow every command without thinking about the consequences, are ...

Noah the Drunk Bastard Saves Humanity with Ark

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After his failed experiment in the garden of Eden, God removed himself from the world for a while. Like a spurned lover, He waited - hopeful that humans would find their way back to him. He had seen the results of his displays of power and was trying the other extreme - patience and distance. This technique served no better. Since there were no obvious benefits from believing in God, the world turned away from Him. ...

God’s a bad parent: Cain, Abel and the First Murder

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Although Adam and Eve - and through them the entire human project - has not gone as planned, God continues to observe and interact with humans, hoping to establish a relationship with them. Adam and Eve have two sons, Cain and Abel. Abel was a shepherd and kept flocks, while Cain tilled the soil. When Cain and Abel brought offerings to God, Abel's was "looked on with favor". Cain's was not. Why? Nobody knows. Maybe God ...

God corrupts Adam and Eve: The Creation of Guilt

After the fiasco with Satan, God became more cautious. He knew he'd found something incredible - a created being with the ability to think for itself. But how much intelligence does it take to make free will? And how much freedom could he give before his creatures turned against him? Satan's rebellion had swept like a virus through heaven, igniting the desire for freedom in many other angels. To contain the epidemic, God put them all ...

God’s First Mistake: Faulty Programming Leads to Satan’s Rebellion

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Although those who haven't actually read the Bible might assume it is full of dust-grovelling men and women of faith, nothing could be farther from the truth. Over and over again, the Bible shows us independent, free-thinkers whose natural impulse towards self-preservation conflicts with God's omnipotence. Hoping to trace the development of this phenomenon, I cannot but help to begin with Satan. What you know about Satan is probably something like this: "Led a revolt against ...