All the Greatest Stories were Told in the Bible: King David vs. Leonardo di Caprio

King David (who first defeated Goliath, stole his sword, then become a violent kingly soldier) soaked in the blood of battle, one day happened to see his fellow warrior and friend Uriah’s wife Bathsheba bathe in her courtyard from the roof of his palace. He had her brought to his chambers and had sex with her, resulting in a pregnancy. Informed that her husband was Uriah, David summoned Uriah from battle to meet him, suggesting that he go home and “wash his feet,” meaning to spend time at home and attend to his wife.

Uriah refused, claiming a code of honor with his fellow warriors while they were in battle. It was common for warriors in preparation for battle to abstain from sex, as a practice of discipline. After repeatedly refusing to see his wife Bathsheba, David sent Uriah to his commanding officer Joab with a letter that ordered to put Uriah in the front of the battle and have the soldiers move away from him so that he would be killed.

What does this story remind you of? Oh that’s right, the exact some scenario is played out in “The Man in the Mask”. Di Caprio (King Louis XIV) takes the wife of one of his soldiers and orders the man put into danger as a way of getting rid of him.

Here’s what you should be asking yourself: in the Hollywood version, this aldulterous, murdering creep was the villain. In the Bible, he is the hero. Although he is reprimanded and loses his first child as punishment, God still blesses him and his dynasty; his second child (with the wife he stole) is Solomon, who will found the first Jewish Temple.

If God wanted to choose someone worthy to start a covenant with, why are all the examples in the Old Testament of liars, cheats, murderers, magicians and demon-summoners?

On the other hand, we could point out that the story is just really good literature – which should make us suspect whether or not it ever really happened. More likely, the entire concoction is a re-telling of classical fables to make the story of David (which was probably really boring and ordinary) more fantastic and worth listening to.