…Are you worried about what happens after death?
…Would you like to spend eternity in Paradise instead of burning in the fires of Hell?
…Do you currently have access to a credit card?
If you answered YES to the questions above, you qualify for a very special deal!
The Body of Christ (TM) is a miraculous product with a proven track record. Based on almost 2,000 years of research and theological development, it is the oldest and purest way to get into heaven. Even better, our unique product has a sealed edge that prevents crumbs, and transforms magically into the actual body of our lord Jesus Christ after you eat it (melts in your mouth, not in your hands.)
The Body of Christ (TM) has been blessed and purified and is absolutely guaranteed to remove all sin from you soul in as little as one dosage! Each additive-free communion wafer contains only pure wheat flour and water. (Rice and Gluten-free alternatives have been judged ineffective by the Catholic church.) Produced in the U.S.A by altar bread bakers with years of experience, these communion wafers are sealed minutes after baking to ensure freshness and purity. They are made according to the canonical standards of the Catholic Church, ensuring high-quality altar bread. (Best results if taken daily. For a serious sin infestation take 2-3 per day – not to exceed 20 per week.)
2000 year old tradition, stemming from Jesus Christ, god on earth.
Just before Christ died on the cross for our sins, he initiated a very powerful act of ritual magic; wherein the communion meal of his followers would actually transform into His own body and blood. The eating of the body and blood of Jesus Christ, the ‘Lamb of God’, represented the dominance of the new Testament by replacing the traditional eating of the Pascal Lamb in the Spring, which was done by Jews to commemorate the Passover and the Escape out of Egypt. Jesus gave his own body in sacrifice for your sins – and you can buy it now!
Convert your loved ones against their will!
Do you have a stubborn relative, neighbor or co-worker that refuses your offers to introduce them to Jesus? The Body of Christ (TM) can be easily crushed and mixed discreetly into a blended drink or a cup of hot coffee.
Pack of 1000, on sale now for only 19.95 (plus 5.95 shipping). Get yours today!
Some of the more common side effects of the Body of Christ (TM) are:
Abdominal pain, agitation, anxiety, constipation, decreased sex drive, diarrhea or loose stools, difficulty with ejaculation, dizziness, dry mouth, fatigue, gas, headache, and decreased appetite. They may also include increased sweating, indigestion, insomnia, nausea, nervousness, rash, pain, sleepiness, sore throat, tingling or pins and needles, tremor, vision problems and vomiting.
Body of Christ (TM) symptoms may also include:
Abnormal dreams or thoughts, aggressiveness, exaggerated feeling of well-being, depersonalization (unreal feeling), hallucinations, impaired concentration, memory loss, paranoia, rapid mood shifts, thoughts of harming yourself, tooth grinding, and worsening depression.
In a few people, Body of Christ (TM) side effects may also trigger manic or hypomanic states which include sensations of high energy, lack of need for sleep, grandiose thoughts and feelings and generally inappropriate and out-of-control behavior.