I woke up with the sniffles so I spent the morning causing thunder and lightning storms (thunder is the sound I make when I sneeze). Anyway, if you read my blog you know I’ve been pretty busy lately, killing Osama bin Laden, killing people with tornadoes and earthquakes, and stuff like that – so I haven’t had much time recently for creative expression. And what I really enjoy is planting subtle little clues about my existence so people will marvel at how awesome life really is and appreciate the tiny miracles around them.
So today I electrocuted a little girl who was sitting too close to the window. I made the lighting burn a hole through the glass, pass through her body and out her big toe leaving a wicked scorch mark on the floor. The fact that she got hit by lightning and survived is already an indicator of my divine compassion (although I could just have easily let her die, as I did most of the children who I killed with tornadoes recent). But because I was feeling artistic, and to show you how cool and hip I am, I decided to yet again turn myth into reality by giving her a Harry Potter-like scar. Ok ok, so Harry Potter got hit with a killing curse and got a permanent lightning shaped scar on his forehead, and I gave Erin Moran kind of an abstract snowflake/spark shaped scar on her arm that faded quickly – but still it’s pretty much the same thing. And while J.K. Rowling is just human and can only write fiction, I’m GOD so I can actually make this stuff happen. And maybe I do get my best ideas from human literature – so what? I read books and get inspired just like anybody. Where do you think I got the whole “sacrificial son” idea from? It was in vogue at the time and I wanted to show people that I could really sacrifice someone for the sins of all and then bring them back to life. Who cares if it wasn’t an original idea, it was the only ever actual instance. So there.
Anyway, the little girl is fine, for now, although I’m thinking about giving her cancer in 17 years. Her Dad – a real firecracker – said “It proves there is a God up there.”
Score one for me!