War on Christmas Poetry Contest Winners

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Recently I found this awesome Baphomet sweater and decided to give a few away by having a quick poetry contest. I deleted some comments so that those who spent more time and posted longer poems would win (I hate moderating…. Cameron G – if you get in touch with me I’ll send you an Amazon gift card.)

Liz Johnson – Sweater

Santa Claus I beg of thee
Place my presents below the tree
So when I wake there I will find
Books of Jesus Christ maligned

Words that denounce Jesus the Jew
Nietzsche, Dawkins, Harris, too
All these would quite well suffice
To spurn my hate of Jesus Christ

I much prefer the ways of science
In this field I find reliance
Not with the fundies, the crazy Christians
Or all the stupidity of religion

It’s towards the Bible
That I write libel
I need these books to inspire
Religious leaders to retire

I tell you now, I guarantee
People without God are free
Those that worship made up things
Are responsible for divine right of kings!

Jesus saves the willing slaves
As Christians pray for a better world
We must all dig our graves
Until the Atheist flag unfurls

Truth though be it as it may
I write the poem in an ironic way
As I write this anti-religious letter
I am praying for a satanic sweater

Hail Baphomet

Parker Black – Sweater

An ashen dark evergreen tree
Suitable effigy
Ghost or three of Anti-Christmases past
Satanic celebration
Of this Christmas last
Unbaptized child
His fat now rendered
For our candles
The life surrendered
In hopes that under
This magick tree
The gift of destruction
Of our enemy
Clothed in black
We approach
The altar of flesh and blood to invoke
Come Lucifer, Come Belial & Satan
Come Beelzebub
We know they’ll all make it
To burn, pillage & desecrate
The cookies, the decorations, the presents they’ll take
To replace them with darker portents
Of an evil day
They now gleefully beget
Oh yes this will truly be a day to remember
Blood everywhere this twenty fifth of December

I haven’t been able to get in touch with these two… Ninjette and Austin, if you get in touch with me I’ll buy you sweaters too… and one more for myself. They’re damn expensive but “it’s the season” and all that…

Ninjette Nicholz

Once upon a time there was Saturnalia,
for about a week people were free
they roamed the streets
chaos, murder, rampage galore
for only a week, the courts were no more
not a slap on a wrist will be given
for even the bloodiest crimes being committed
this is all in good fun
til on Christmas an innocent’s head is spun
thus cleansing us all of impurity
On with the story, away from what was once gory
let us recall more evolutions of Christmas.
Though they will claim today what
has always been in his name
was actually once used for Jew killing.
They drug them threw the streets
torture, rape, and murder.
All part of Christians holiday traditions.
Now all these years later
We’ve adopted what seemed right
left out all the killing and of course
Jews blood spilling
We’re left with a day
within Solstice to pray
oh wait, we all give gifts
mainly to those who already have much
but ignore the needy
Christians with agendas
mainly just to be greedy.
But don’t forgot to include Christ
or they give you a slice
because Christmas is all about Jesus.


Austin Daugherty

The essence of capitalism at her best,
To fund the war machine.
Burn the atheists, indoctrinate the rest,
And wipe your sins clean.
Irrational hope and hidden fears,
Materialism to cope and holiday cheers.
Desecrate carbon-based life,
Challenge all who oppose,
Rape and murder your wife,
The good Christian life we chose.
Children indoctrinated into capitalism,
With happy Christmas cheers.
The real act of fascism,
Hidden with your fears.
A time of jolly and greed,
For the poverty-stricken family with nothing to feed.
On this Christmas morning, for Satan we lust,
For God has abandoned us.