Holy Blasphemy

(God’s Blog)

Since I started blogging, I’ve gotten a lot of email demanding answers to life’s greatest questions. Now normally, all that stuff gets filtered to junk mail. I mean – who do these people think they are? Did they create the mountains? Did they set the sun in its course through the heavens? I don’t think so. Like I told Job, humans simply cannot hope to comprehend the mind of God…

However, I’ve got some free time today and will answer one question that caught my eye – ‘Which religion is right’. This is a little presumptuous, don’t you think? That only one can be right, or that any are right at all? But as religion plays a huge part in my reputation I suppose it justifies an answer. The answer is this. I AM WHO I AM, and I’m damn proud of it. Every religion says “God is mystery, God is unknowable, etc” and then goes on to give a bunch of tiny details about me and my personal life. I don’t know where they’re getting their facts from.

But hey – I’m INFINITE. You can’t expect me to be infinite and consistent at the same time, that would be impossible. No I’m not stonewalling, and I’m not saying all religions are wrong either. You found me, didn’t you? You know my name, don’t you? All I need you to do is look up and seek answers, and most religions do that OK.

You want ONE religion? Well, email me and tell me where you’re from. I make religions as cultural-sociographic manifestations of spirituality; and I’m pretty good at it. There’s probably a good religion near you right now. If not, maybe I can give you some suggestions and get you to start a new one.

Why do you want to hold me to one religion anyway? Did DaVinci paint just one painting? I’m an artist – I live in darkness and solitude and produce works that display my glory. Religions are just ‘appreciation clubs’ that send me fan mail.

If you have a specific question, why not email me and ask?